Tony wrote A story in Antwerp in 1981. The next post will be my Dutch version. The small watercolor drawing The Poet is from December 1981, courtesy of Arnold DP.
I can but cry, for once upon a time is,
or so I feel, only space grown empty, but did you
know through this space traveled a name songer,
name songer may be a strange type of work to do or name
to be called by, even if they do exist!
but first I must tell you what a name songer is.
they stand in their time and dream about
the wind, and call out names of children they
have known, and even names of ones that are
still to come to us on a tomorrow. “ tomorrow is for
them, a darks eleven forty nine, not a second
more or less, can be a perfect tomorrow “ as it
becomes a perfect tomorrow and children are the reason a name songer
can breathe.
one day a name songer in his space, in his time, sang
a time used name, one often used for the now being
born, or the still unknown of, and passed, called love.
love he sang and the sky danced, the earth grew.
all called by this name, or any who had ever
been near or used this name looked to the future
and smiled, remembered and smiled or those now
feeling, felt and said ‘smile for love’. well as
you can see, or as I see it, this is the greatest
name ever created by a name songer.
love even soft said is still grant, if
screamed out, caring, or even thought of is a
special time of magic thinking. but one day
this singing one felt change must be, so he
added to this beauty Love, a I, and felt this
change as good, so all of them named love from
then on were called ‘ I love ‘ . This seemed fine
and all accepted this, and did not think until
one tomorrow at exactly eleven forty nine, which
they also felt fine about, (eleven forty nine’s tomorrow’s
name I mean) but a tear did not. ‘Tear’ (another
songer’s name) felt it should not have to exist without
its I. so told all and everything to call it
only if they said I first - ‘I tear’ not knowing
a simple I would bring to all a tear. the dancing
sky learned “I tear” and teared, the growing earth
teared as it added I. and none felt a smile and
began to feel the weight of the I. and some begin to think
is a I better, or has the name songer not sang a
space for lone in adding I. just I does it not
leave out others, if not almost everything such
as: we children to be born, they, or those
now born, they how sad tomorrow not a
together, but a one single alone and unable
to be part of another because of course this
I is not them, they or any of these belongers,
one of many.
and of this I feel sad and now
once upon a time I can but cry and fill this
alone space for he named me I Tony, though
so many times I so need a we which shall
never be until all and everything forgets this
name songers I space, and returns love without I
first and make I not come before tear, or any
of the many things that seem to have taken
this first name ‘I’. then maybe on a one eleven
forty nine on the point the wind will once again
dance, be a dance in the sky and the earth
shall grow and I shall once upon a time again
happy
1 comment:
An afternoon, 1981... a phone call from my mother, "your father wants to speak with you..." "so why didn't he just call me?!"..."no, she said, "your real father, I gave him our number...." "ok, let me know when he calls..." as it sank in, I slid stunned to the floor in a squat to ponder...my parents had been going through an annullment process....erasing her marriage"in the eyes of the catholic church" erasing my tangibility, I thought at that time...mission accomplished. I was merely a footnote. He never called.
That sadness, I carried, an albatross,for most of my life....
but I understand through this piece, whether intentional or not....we are never Lost,
lulu
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